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Etiquette to use in preparing your address lists

There is a standard way of addressing both Outer and Inner envelopes.  Following is a compilation from numerous known etiquette specialists.

General Rules

    Nicknames and initials should be used only when the full name is unknown or never used.

    Children over 18 should receive their own invitations but may be grouped together if living at home. However, most people do not send separate invitations.

    Children should be listed in age order.

    Young girls are “Miss” until married while young boys may be “Master”
    until age 6 or 7 and “Mr.” after they are 18.

    Use “and” between the names of married couples only.  Others get their own line.

    Rules for addressing envelopes for Doctors apply to any title: clergy, military or elected official. Abbreviations should be avoided other than "Mr.", "Mrs.",  or "Ms."  When possible, write out Doctor, clergy titles, military titles and elected officials' titles.  Please do not address to "Mr. and Dr." as it does not exist.

    If you use Jr. or Sr., a comma should precede it: and when written out,
    there is no capital. (Example: Mr. John Smith, Jr. or Mr. John Smith, junior.)

    When using first names, the woman's name always comes first.  A man's first name is never separated from his last name.

Married Couple

Family

Unmarried Couple

Singles

Married Couple
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
.......Inner Mr. and Mrs. Smith
 
where woman keeps her maiden name
Miss or Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Miss or Ms. Doe and Mr. Smith
 
where woman hyphenates her name
Ms. or Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith and Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Ms. or Mrs. Doe-Smith and Mr. Smith
 
where woman is a Doctor, Judge, Clergy, Military, etc.
Judge Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Judge Doe and Mr. Smith
 
where both are Doctors, Judges, Clergy, Military, etc. and have the same last name
The Doctors Smith
.......Inner The Doctors Smith

 Or

Doctor Jane Smith and Doctor John Smith
.......Inner The Doctors Smith Or
.......Inner Doctor Smith and Doctor Smith

 Or

Drs. Jane and John Smith
.......Inner The Drs. Smith
 
informal use 
Jane and John Smith
Family
with all children invited and living at home
You may choose to put the children on the outer and inner envelopes or on the inner envelope only
Sample of Inner envelope only:
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
.......Inner Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family

 Or
Sample of Outer and Inner envelope :
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Jane and John (in age order)
.......Inner Mr. and Mrs. Smith
                   Jane and John

 Or

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
The Misses Smith (for all girls)
.......Inner Mr. and Mrs. Smith
                   The Messers. Smith (for all boys)
 
with small children
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Jane and John (or just put them on the inner)
.......Inner Mr. and Mrs. Smith
                   Jane and John
 
with teen and adult children living at home
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Miss Jane Smith
Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Mr. and Mrs. Smith
                  Miss Smith
                  Mr. Smith
Unmarried Couple
unmarried couple living together
Miss or Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Miss or Ms. Doe
                    Mr. Smith
 
dating or engaged
list invitee first and their guest second,
if known equally list female first
Miss  or Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Miss or Ms. Doe
                   Mr. Smith
Singles
woman or woman who is divorced and uses her maiden name
Miss or Ms. Jane Doe
.......Inner Miss or Ms. Doe
 
widow
Mrs. John Smith
........Inner Mrs. Smith

 

Or

Jane Smith
.......Inner Mrs. Smith
 
divorced and keeps her married name
Ms. or Mrs. Jane Smith
.......Inner Ms. or Mrs. Smith
 
man
Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Mr. Smith
 
with escort where name is unknown
You may choose to put "and Guest" on both the inner and outer or just the outer envelope
Miss or Ms. Jane Doe and Guest
.......Inner Miss or Ms. Doe and Guest

 Or

Mr. John Smith
.......Inner Mr. Smith and Guest